not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
