No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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