it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
