Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
