The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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