dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize