Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
