pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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