Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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