You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think your dad took our porno
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
