when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
