3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
