happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
