I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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