I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
