Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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