So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
