Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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