Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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