D3 body, D1 cock
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
