Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
