I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
