last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize