peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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