I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
