She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
