K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
