and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
