Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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