I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
