She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
