Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
