a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
