I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
