worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
