oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
