the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
