I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
