The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
