What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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