The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
