apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
