Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
