Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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