I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
