I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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