stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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