just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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