they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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