I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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