he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
