You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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