sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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