the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
