i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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