We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
