If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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