hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do herpes really smell.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
