You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
