My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
