What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
