good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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