you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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