everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
