next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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