ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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