Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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