living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
