i don't like sucking hair
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
