He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
