I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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