i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
