You really coming over, don't trick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
