he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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