I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
