Ambien. No doubt about it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had sex on a roof
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
