The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
