just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
